God is so nice.  and wonderful.  i can't stop thinking about Him or talking about Him.  through Jesus, He has healed me of so much that i didn't even know was there...  a generational curse.  and 2 days ago, control.  that also was tied to many of the emotions i have struggled with:  (lack of) compassion, (lack of) love, anger, frustration.  it's so cool to see and experience His true freedom.  He's given it to us, yet things are blocking us from walking in it.  He wants to remove the blockage and He will.  He is gentle and His burden is light.

after His healing, i read galations 5, and just the first verse spoke volumes to me:

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage."

i think there are so many people with a yoke of bondage and either they know it and try to fix it themselves (that was me) or they don't even know it exists and think it's just a part of them (a lie, by the way, and was also me).  oh, how Christ has freed me and He is now showing me others so that i can pray for them.

thank, You, my Lord and my Master Jesus Christ for freeing me from so much burden.  i pray that You would continue to reveal to others their burdens that they can not carry so that they will come to You and seek You to free them.  i thank You for Your freedom.  You alone are worthy of our praise.

only because of Jesus,

erin

when we first moved in and started cleaning up the garbage from the edge of our back yard, we found 2 cool old bottles.  very small.  probably held liquor at one point.  we cleaned them up and have them as decoration.

a few months ago dennis was cleaning up in the crevice where the pocket door goes into, and we found quite a bit of old newspapers, and a few pamphlets and old mail.  we know that the house used to be a business, but it seems as if maybe before then it was some something with the catholic church.  there was some mail that had to do with nuns and the such.  interesting stuff.

a few days ago my boys found 24 unbroken pieces of tile.  i asked them where they found it and they excitedly exclaimed, "it was underground!"  such is the city...  and boys that like to dig.  who knows why there were tiles buried in our back yard.

yesterday, justin, dennis, and gibson were digging up weeds and planting flowers.  they found a cool old bottle that belonged to a local brewing/bottling company back in the day.  dennis cleaned it up and it's quite the gem.  justin found an old hinge that looks like it was handmade by a blacksmith and looks as if it may have belonged to a barn door.  there is another large iron piece of something but i have no idea what it is...  pretty much stuck in the ground.

such is life in the yard of a very old house.  i can't wait to find what other treasures come up!

-erin

i'm going to assume that most of you can imagine the choas of a house of 4 little boys.  ages 7, 6, 4, and 3.  yes, indeed it is loud and crazy.  just so you know, i don't handle that very well.  =)

i've been freaking out a lot lately on the kids, and i have trained them to sit on the couch and look at/read books and be quiet.  for my sanity.  i have been trying to not let them run crazy in the house - i invite them to hang out with the adults, but letting them know that they have to be quiet and engage in a real conversation appropriately.  or they can go play in their room.

today i hit a new low.  i mean low.  i can't really describe the thoughts/feelings in my head.  i guess the best way to describe it was hopelessness.  so they're all on the couch.  quiet.  so i could calm down and think.  thankfully God intervened.  i have/had been crying out to him all day.  i hate feeling frustrated and angry most of the time.  hate it.  i want to be changed, but i obviously can't do it myself (i've been trying for a loooong time now with no results).

i called the boys off, one at a time, to have them help me.  i've come to realize that this is just what i need to do.  one at a time.  i see that i haven't really taught them well.  i've showed them something once or twice and have expected them to do it on their own, which is unrealistic.  especially with the usual distractions around here.  i've realized this before, but haven't really stuck with the plan.  i really need to because it works so well...  1 - the boys learn to be quiet (sweet!), 2 - i get one on one time with each one, so i can actually encourage them instead of constantly correct them, 3 - things get done around here!, 4 - they'll eventually know how to do things on their own.  Lord, please help me to remember this and to do it according to Your sound teaching!

a few months ago, my mom mentioned something to me that made a lot of sense...  i'm the youngest in the family (she's #7 in a family of 8, so she's one of the youngest), and she said that she's seen in herself that she never really learned how to take care of others because she was always taken care of.  wow.  that makes a lot of sense to me.  i hate taking care of others.  it definitely doesn't come naturally.  i'm very selfish, i've come to see, and that's seriously not good.  i want to be humble.  i want to serve others with a gentle spirit.  God can change that.  and i'm asking Him to.  a lot.

so tonight?  edison set the table, i showed him how to wash dishes by hand, he made my bed, and took his shower.  i showed lincoln how to wipe the dining room tables, chairs, and i swept while he used a hand-held broom and got the dirt in the dust pan and put it in the trash.  i'm also teaching him how to clean himself in the tub, including his hair.  martin helped me vacuum.  gibson folded laundry, started a load on his own, and took his shower.  they all helped clear the table after dinner.  and all this with minimal stress and much more encouragement - thank You, Lord!

and now i'm off to shower.  and probably do a few more things before bed.  God is good even in the darkness.  He got me through a hard day and continues to be faithful.  seek Him in all you do.

-erin

in the last week, God has been showing me just how complex He is... through the Bible and wisdom from Him. i know so much more now that i ever have before, yet i know nothing. i feel like i'm being emptied, yet that is a good thing.

He's been showing me things just with the word water.
He is the living water.  (jeremiah 17:13, john 4:10-13, john 7:38)
He is the Rock.  (genesis 49:24, deuteronomy 32, 2 samuel 23:3, isaiah 30:39)
            when moses was in the wilderness, he hit the rock and water poured out.  (exodus 17)
in the beginning, the world was water.  (genesis 1:1-8)
He flooded the earth with water.
baptism!
it goes on and on and on...  when i barely looked into just the physical attributes of water, it blew my mind.

i won't even go into everywhere in the Bible it talks about bread.  and knowledge/wisdom.  and tree.  and rock.  and so many other single words.  the entire Word breathes the Good News of Jesus, it's just so incredible to me!

there's no way i could even begin to describe what i'm learning on this blog.  i encourage everyone to read their Bible and seek Him.  Matthew 7:7 says "Keep asking, and it will be given to you.  Keep searching and you will find.  Keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you."  (HCSB)

-erin

God is doing amazing things here - it's been so long since i've posted, there's too much to tell! so i'll share a testimony from church today:

where, dennis works, there's a daycare. my kids used to go there. last week, the kids were playing in the gym (since it's too cold to play outside), and they pushed the bleachers back. a kid climbed onto the top of the bleachers and tried to slam dunk a basketball in the movable hoop... he jumped as high and as far as he could, and landed on his head. he was unconscious, with blood coming out of his mouth. one of the men that works in the building and goes to our church came to the gym, put his hand under the boy's chest, and there was no heart beat. he immediately began to pray for him, and the boy rolled over, opened his eyes, and was breathing. he was in and out of consciousness, and several leaders were praying for him while they waited for the squad. the ambulance came and took him to children's in dayton. when they got him to the hospital, they found NOTHING (NOTHING!) WRONG WITH HIM! he was back in school the next day! praise the LORD!

there is revival going on here, and extending to people we don't even know. God is doing a mighty work and it's amazing to see! i am so thankful that i get to be a part of His plan!

what is God doing in your life?!

-erin

my little link turned 4 yesterday. he's such a sweet boy and i enjoy him so much. he reminds me of myself a lot, and a lot of things not so much. out of all the boys, he's the most content to just play by himself. a lot of times, the other 3 will be playing together and lincoln will be off by himself doing his own creative thing. when one or more of the other boys goes over to him, he's so loving and welcoming, letting them know what he's doing and they jump right in.

he's also our first (maybe only?) leftie. that's something new. it's definitely a challenge with things that you wouldn't think... like getting clothes on. or shoes. he's getting better, but it's been interesting. he also has very specific characteristics of the left-handed person - very musical! i love that he doesn't hold back - he can't help but sing! it's so cool. even in the car, if he's tired and we know he should be sleeping, we have to turn of any and all music - he will just keep singing. =) he loves to paint, color, and draw.

lincoln likes to play cards - go fish, memory, and he's learning uno. he's the kind of kid that you don't have to check on much - he doesn't really get into what he's not supposed to. usually if he's quiet for a long period of time, he's been playing memory by himself or quietly coloring or "reading" books. he's such a smart boy and i really enjoy him.

happy birthday, lincoln! i pray that you have many more and most importantly know and serve Jesus!

-erin

take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.

take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
take my silver and my gold
not a mite would i withhold.
take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.

here am i, all of me.
take my life, it's all for Thee.

take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
take my love, my Lord i pour
at Your feet its treasure store.
take myself and i will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
take myself and i will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

here am i, all of me.
take my life, it's all for Thee.

-Amen

my 3 year old is praying and my 2 year old is repeating him in prayer. softly. kindly. with their eyes closed. Lord, i thank Thee. continue to work in al of them and please, please, grant them Your blessed salvation. in Jesus' Holy Name, amen.

today has been strange. i have some sort of cold or allergies... feel feverish, but no fever. can't keep my eyes open but not tired. don't worry - it's not carbon monoxide. we have a detector and i seem to be the only one out of it. the boys have their usual energy and i felt bad for them today because we did very little due to my being out of it. and? today dennis had to work 12 hours. of course. it was all good, though! i didn't yell, which is definitely only through the power of God, and i am wading through the piles of information with the is upcoming year in homeschooling. if i look at it every 2-3 days i find it less daunting and don't get too freaked out. today i even made a schedule out for the 2 older boys by subject.

sorry if this post is scattered - my head is still floating around.

God is so good. He has been teaching me so much lately, yet i still know nothing. it's humbling, you know? i realized a few weeks (a month?) ago that i just didn't know how to pray. not that i think there's a formula, but i just realized... this isn't right. i know it's not. i would literally come to God and say "i don't know what to say" or "i don't know how to pray." when i read The Word, i see God's power. i don't see it today. and He hasn't changed. sooooo... let's take a look at ourselves, shall we? =)

and now i'm beginning to see just how superficial we all truly are. just as i'm reading, certain words keep coming up: believe. love. they don't mean what they're supposed to mean. i have to really meditate and think hard to even begin to understand them. and i'm nowhere close. it's humbling. i'm not sure how many people are willing and actually look at themselves to see beyond all the superficiality we've inherited from this world - our culture - sin.

so many of us are comfortable in our sin. we stink and we don't even know it. i don't want to be that way. even though it hurts, i want Him to show me my sin. especially the sins i don't see or don't want to see. do you want to be happy in your stink?!

in psalm 104 it speaks of the water obeying Him. the mountains obeying Him. the valleys obey Him. He's given us HIS WORD (the Bible is the WORD OF GOD - just think about that!) and we don't obey Him. does that bother anyone else? man, it crushes me!

i was thinking about the old song amazing grace. yeah, most people know it. but we sang it the other day, and i heard the words. i heard the truth in them. i'm so thankful for His grace. it IS amazing! i am a wretch! i was blind and didn't even know it! you know, i was thinking about this... how if you're born blind (which, spiritually, we are), you don't know any different. until you see. then you KNOW that you were blind and that things are radically different now! i know that moment in my life. i thank God for His grace!

i could go on and on, but that's a lot right now. i just wanted to get things written down so that i can look back and be encouraged or get my butt kicked again - either is fine with me. i pray that whoever reads this, that you're seeking Him. truly. with all your heart.

-erin

the weather has been beautiful, and i am soooo thankful! i can finally do yard work without feeling faint as soon as i go outside. and? with little boys, who needs a weed eater?! when they get in trouble, i have them go around the edges of the yard that the mower can't reach and pull up the long grass. fantastic!!

-erin